I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
