and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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