the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Blow job season was short but glorious.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
