All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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