he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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