If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
