I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I AM VODKA MAN
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
