I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
