KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just had sex on a roof
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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