I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He passed out mid-signature
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
