Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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