I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
and she was petting her beer can
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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