forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize