I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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