I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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