just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
