I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Why can't burritos get me drunk
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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