Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
