so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
