I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
