dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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