On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
