I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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