its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
