we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
