frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
