May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
