I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
