It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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