paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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