sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
