sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
