Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
