just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
