I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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