the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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