Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
