This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
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all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
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Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize