I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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