this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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