For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
