I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
