just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
