If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
