Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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