I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
