i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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