oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
