careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
