I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
