Your tits are I can't wait for
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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