i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm like, not good at living.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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