i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
