somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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