I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
