Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
