I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Two words: nipple clamps
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