is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
