He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
