grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
