Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
