I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
