I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
