put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
