glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
