What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
